I ain't believed in Santa Claus
since I was just a tad
but I keep gettin presents
be I good or be I bad
a conspiracy it had to be
an my kin folk be the cause
cuzz I live alone out far from town
an there ain't no Santa Claus
now every year on Christmas Eve
I celebrate the year
my dog an me and a roaring fire
and a sea of Christmas cheer
now eggnog comes just once a year
an I just love the taste
an spice rum thins it down just right
an man I hate to waste
those empty bottles Christmas morn
can't blame on ol Saint Nick
cuzz that ol hound of mine is real
an he don't get a lick
now I don't have a Christmas tree
but I have a Christmas wreath
and every Christmas mornin
there's a present underneath
now this year I got sneaky
left a rum and eggnog out
and set up my ol game cam
so there wouldn't be no doubt
I'd nab that Christmas culprit
man I'd git im fair an square
there would be no escapin
from that camera hidden there
so Christmas mornin rolls around
and I wake up to see
the rum is gone and a present sits
neath what passes for my tree
it took a bit to register
in my rum fogged eggnog head
that I should have some evidence
so I stumbled outta bed
well that trail cam had done it's job
and snapped a right good pic
no kin of mine that picture showed
no classic ol Saint Nick
the fella in the picture there
looked jolly big an fat
but he looked to be as drunk as me
in his tall red cowboy hat
then in the background of that picture
I saw it out the door
and it explained the whole dang thing to me
and told me even more
now passed that fat ol drunken guy
was a big red Coup de Ville
an the trunk was loaded up with gifts
that'd give ol Scrooge a thrill
an sittin in the drivers seat
was the designated elf
cuzz Santa had been drinkin
and was to drunk to drive himself
=CM=
Have a safe and Happy Holiday folks.
